Mutty KornfeldM.S., SLPContact

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What are you trying to understand?

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A closed ceramic jar with a calm face and a glass window revealing tightly tangled burgundy yarn inside, against a sage green background.
Regulation

He Looks Calm. But Has He Regulated the Feeling?

A quiet response can make an interaction easier while the hurt remains. That earlier feeling may still shape what happens next.

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A frustrated boy in a kippah stands at a blocked path while his father calmly gestures toward an open path, representing the difference between stopping behavior and teaching another response
Behavior

Consequences Can Stop Behavior Without Teaching the Skill

A consequence can end a game without teaching how to handle losing. Practicing a replacement while calm prepares a child for the next difficult moment.

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One man stands soaked beneath a small rain cloud while another uses a closed coral umbrella to point at a weather chart, showing how someone can understand the facts while missing what the moment needs
Communication

You Can Be Right and Still Miss What the Moment Needs

Validation recognizes an experience without deciding every fact. One honest sentence can acknowledge hurt while leaving room for disagreement.

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Behavior

What a behavior may be communicating.

Explore other behaviors
At home

He argues whenever he is corrected

Correction may feel like a judgment of who he is.

Understanding skillAt school

He jokes, distracts others, or acts silly when the work gets difficult

Humor may protect him from being seen as confused.

Expressing skillIn relationships

He stops speaking and avoids the person after conflict

Silence and distance may give him time to settle before he knows how to repair.

Expressing skill

Real life questions

Ways to understand and respond to a difficult situation.

See other questions
My child

How can I correct him without every mistake feeling like an attack?

My marriage

Should I give him space when he shuts down, or keep trying to talk?

For myself

What can I do when I understand my feelings only after the conversation?

RULER

Five connected skills.

Learn how each skill works

Recognize

Notice the clues.

Understand

Find what shaped the feeling.

Label

Choose an accurate word.

Express

Communicate it clearly.

Regulate

Choose what helps next.

Nine emotion families

Every emotion has a job.

Understand each emotion

Anger & hate

Gives you strength to protect what matters and helps you notice what a powerful reaction may be showing you about yourself.

Shame & guilt

Helps you look honestly at responsibility, repair what is yours, and separate a mistake from your worth.

Confusion

Stops you from forcing the wrong answer so you can question, learn, and understand.

Anxiety

Gives you focus to look ahead, prepare, and finish what truly needs your attention.

Fear & panic

Sharpens your senses and gives your body energy to move toward safety.

Jealousy & envy

Reveals which relationship needs care or which goal you want to build for yourself.

Happiness, contentment & joy

Shows you what is working so you can enjoy it, repeat it, and share it.

Sadness & grief

Helps you release pain, receive comfort, and adjust to a loss you did not choose.

Depression & suicidal urges

Distress deserves care and support. Suicidal thoughts or urges call for immediate help.